What I love about this preschool is firstly how gentle the teachers are. Secondly, I love the enthusiasm of the preschoolers to learn all they can. It was pouring rain here the other day, and not one chair seemed to be missing a student. I realized that preschoolers everywhere might just be the same. Squirmy, happy, unreasonably lively, tugging on my skirt and blabbering about something Mom or Dad did or the pretty rock they found during their recess break. We blew bubbles today and they went absolutely crazy for it! Shrieking their joy, chasing after each bubble, smiling always.
Today is Friday! Yesterday and today, we only had preschool in the morning from 8:00 – 12:00 followed by a Kinyarwanda lesson. I realized we’ve learned over one-hundred fifty words and phrases now, which is so wild! I can say phrases such as, “Sit down students! Raise your hand! Do you want five potatoes? Everyone line up, listen to me, and come here!” The teachers here are wonderful, so patient, and so willing to challenge us like so. I’ve got a lot of studying to do this weekend!
Yesterday, we met one of Cathy’s sponsored students. His name is Pacifique, or Paci for short, and he’s currently an undergraduate law student! He was captain of the football team in school and now he’s cracking down on his grades, proving some people just get all the good traits in this world (he’s handsome, too!). Anyway, Paci led Peter and I throughout a bit of the Musanze, the shops, the markets, voluptuous hills. It was exciting hearing from someone our age what people like doing here, the way friendships work, dating structures, what Paci thought of schooling here (to be included in the next blog post!) Sewing is such a big business in Rwanda. We weaved our way through tight spaces in the market, astounded by a billion sewing machines creating beautiful silk kitenge dresses, bags, and wraps. And then we hiked up a small hill to see a cityscape clouded by fog. Gorgeous.
I’m very grateful for Peter being here in Rwanda with me as another Loewenstern Fellow! We have an unconventional experience from the other fellows, who are all typically alone in their host country. Peter and I are great at supporting each other: whether it’s trudging our way to the next gate after a seven-hour flight or modifying our lesson plans together for the next day, I think we make a stellar team! But my favorite part of having another person here from Rice is the opportunity for daily reflection and challenges. Peter has agreed that we can share our reflection points on our blogs, for later reflection and reflection in those reading this as well. It’s fun to think that we seem so similar on the surface but are so different in our internal thinking. We’ve done great at challenging each other.
SECURITY VS. COMFORT VS. CHALLENGING
Here is the scenario: Paci has offered to take Peter and I to a night club at some point during our trip here. I vacillated between going and not going, contemplating why the idea of going piqued me so much. My first thought was this: “getting out of your comfort zone” means that you should be out your comfort zone but never out of your security zone. To me, a club is a club in Las Vegas is a club in the Philippines is a club in Rwanda. People dance. People drink. People have a good time. I would go clubbing with a large group of friends in a city I know only because I’m with a big support group, we’d all be having fun, and we can all look out for each other. I feel like I would have no personal growth or development by going to a club in Rwanda and watching people dance as they do; additionally, to me, the cost of the paranoia of being accosted or having personal space far invaded outweighed the benefit of simply watching people socialize and celebrate. My security zone is the boundary to which I understand what situationally may put me in danger: we are foreigners in a new country, we are not accustomed to all the mores of this society, its language, and we are still learning gender norms here. Cathy said to me when she met me, “oooh we’ll have to watch out for you here. The men will go crazy for you.”
Contrast this security zone to my comfort zone, which is trying things I normally wouldn’t try, being open to different values and expectations, being patient with newness, willing to adapt to adversity. Crawling out my comfort zone is trying the tomatoes, sweet and tart like a pomegranate, greeting mwirwe (good afternoon!) to everyone who sees us, trying every technique I know to help the students sit still and learn how to write their letters correctly, planning out a trip to Kigali on the weekend. The difference is the potential of danger. I like to ponder these thoughts a little while longer, but I think I’ll ultimately turn down the option to go clubbing with Paci and Peter… Should one compromise safety for sight?
Peter brought up an important point. There is a double standard in my paranoia of men I don’t know because I literally don’t know them. To assume that anyone could assault you is to unfairly place a psychological pressure on them: and it’s a pressure that’s felt when I unconsciously step to the side when they move too close to me, when I nervously decline the oranges they offer me as we walk by, when my eyebrows furrow because they winked at me just because we made eye contact. Peter argued this: I would grow a lot by challenging myself to undo those survival tactics of staying away that have been so ingrained in me ever since I was young enough to see lust in others’ eyes. I am not sure if I can commit to such a challenge. The fact is that statistically, someone like me is four times more likely to be targeted for assault in the population. I thought, “why is up to the victimized population to challenge stereotypes when we’re the ones in danger?” These are thoughts I will grapple with for the rest of our journey. I will make a conscious effort to at least be more aware of my unconscious mannerisms, this much I can promise!
Which brought up an interesting point: would Peter go to the club anyway if I wouldn’t go? If I wasn’t here as a fellow too? His answer was ultimately yes, but he would have to ask many more questions first. This naturally led to this question: could we potentially hold one another back from experiencing all we personally want in Rwanda? This might be terrible of me: but I didn’t feel bad in my mind for potentially not going with him to the club. We are both independent people; there is no hand-holding, only supporting and challenging. We have an equal level of experience in regards to teaching and mentoring young minds; Peter was a tae-kwon-do instructor for students of this age, and I have volunteered with a local Houston nonprofit PAIR to teach refugee students English. We are both lucky to be here with one another. And we will find a way to each get all we want out of our Loewenstern experience, both service-related and culturally. It’s good communication, understanding and testing boundaries, and checking in with one another to optimize our experiences.
This led us to a conversation about the nature of challenge. I am a close-reader, a person who pulls a lot of meaning out of a little observation. Dr. Doody taught my class this: meaning comes from difference. I am of the opinion that people don’t need to be constantly challenged to grow. I acknowledge and respect difference, such as when we’re walking back home from the city in Musanze, 2.2 miles back, like everyone else who works in town. Except we don’t have to make that walk twice a day in the whirling wind of the motos buzzing by. I am fine with not having to make that walk twice a day or even once a day; I am grateful to live so close to our agency and to have such an accessible way out of the nonprofit when we want to see the city. Peter is definitely grateful as well, it simply led to this question: would I have preferred living with a more traditional Rwandese family, maybe a fifteen minute walk away from the nonprofit instead of at the nonprofit itself? To challenge ourselves more? I don’t believe so, no. I prefer to accept what I see, to say, “this is the way people live here and I respect that and appreciate their lifestyles.” Of course, this viewpoint is always enriched with the narratives of locals. Talk to as many people as you can! But don’t feel like you must challenge every thought about living here. And this is all for me.
I apologize if this is a bit of a incomprehensible mess!
INDIVIDUAL VS. SOCIETY (THE COMMUNAL)
Peter discovered something so fascinating about us: he tends to believe in the humanity of individuals and their potential for change, while I place more faith in society as a whole. Peter believes that, by deeply talking to people, you are doing much more good than by systematically providing for goods or services like an education. He would rather sponsor a student here whereas I would rather donate to a nonprofit. The differences between our reasonings are endless; I am of the belief that nonprofits are a panacea in this world because you are empowering people in that community who care about change and who are trained and educated to proliferate that change for generations. I don’t even mind large nonprofits; yes, they have to make connections with big corporations and businesses to continue operating, but that’s the teamwork of society to aspire towards a more civil world. Peter thinks the world’s going to burn. Only the humanity of individuals and shared connections can rescue us from racism, resentment. I am an existentialist at heart: I speak of cycles of people, because truly my impact is felt, but when I am gone in one-hundred years my impact might have been meaningless. And this is ok! And it’s good to feel small by the ocean, to know that you will die and ultimately none of your worries or concerns mattered. To me, it’s up to the work of society to inculcate in its people lessons of survival, morals, reasoning. And from there, people can make everlasting relationships as they should.
SELF-PERCEPTIONS, SOCIETY’S STEREOTYPES
People passing by giggle and call Peter a Mezungu sometimes! And the teachers taught us that he can shout back at them, “Barawarimu!” (black person!) I laughed!
People are just so confused when they see me. Half Mezungu, half Barawarimu. It feels the same at home. They’re not wrong!
Anyway, it’s about 10:00 P.M. on a Friday here now. Our weekends are free and tomorrow looks like a lot of Skyping and relaxing and reading ASB articles! … well, my Internet is down again, but that’s no worry. It’s nice to have quiet. We made it!
Wow, I can’t believe today’s already halfway over! I woke up feeling really refreshed – my queen size bed (with a mattress topper!) here is super comfy and Cathy gave us more than enough blankets to feel warm at 1,800 meters up! It’s so wonderful. You wake up to the sound of hummingbirds singing outside (and well, my alarm clock blaring Tekken’s Are you Ready?) at 6:00 A.M. to tell me it was time for my first day. And almost all my itching was gone! by the second day, brushing my teeth with drinking water was no problem at all! And I felt like I was adjusting very quickly to a lot of things here, which made me quite happy! 
hugsomebody 