My wrists shake as I write this. It might have been the constant pulling and pushing of my suitcase as I checked, a million times over and then one more time, that I was not over the weight limit for checking in my luggage. It might have been the effect of trimming the plants in my mom’s backyard, a manual labor task to calm down my mind. It might be because my body and mind just can’t wrap around the fact that I’ll be flying internationally in less than a day now! To a new place I’ve never been before in my life, for so long a time. It feels a little wild. I’ve been blaring music in my room as if to prepare for the fact that I’ll be in my head or in a Gourevitch novel for 24 hours of traveling. It feels like nothing can distract me from the immensity of my journey ahead to the Musanze District, Rwanda, to serve the nonprofit preschool P.R.E.F.E.R.
With a thousand emotions fighting their way to the surface, I can only focus right now on boundless love, appreciation, and anticipation. I am so grateful to Rice University and the Center for Civic Leadership for providing me with the fortuitous, life-changing opportunity of the Loewenstern Fellowship. I am so grateful to my mother for saying yes to this decision, and grateful to my Loewenstern cohort and the incredible staff members at the Center for Civic Leadership for providing the necessary support and preparation for the journey. I am grateful to Cathy Emmerson, Lauren West and Shaina Holmes, Dr. Alexander X. Byrd, and Kathie Hartzog for blessing Peter and myself with endless guidance.
It’s a good time to spiritually and emotionally check in with my expectations for the experience abroad. My favorite aunt loves to say, “Expect the unexpected!” while something crazy flies by in my mind. That’s pretty much the epitome of where I’m at right now. Peter and I have the fortune of visiting Amsterdam for three days before our actual service, and I have kept my mind as a bit of a blank slate. Like a little bit of a robot, I only know how to get to our boarding and lodging and something about navigating a metro station. I do expect that I’ll break out of this robotic shell when we finally land and it hits me that I’m no longer in the United States, no longer in a place where I know where everything is, no longer the the adult running errands but now a child of an exciting new world.
Oh! I expect that I’m going to get sick. A lot! Home sick, physically sick, something like this. It happens to all of us, right? But I expect simultaneously that I might just fall in love with my host community and host country. I’m not expecting anything, but I might just really love the weather, love the people so much, and love a different style and pace of life. I can’t say for certain, but my heart and hand are open to touch, grow, and experience.
I do have strict expectations of myself as a Loewenstern Fellow representing Rice University. I must always be responsible, acting and working with the ultimate integrity, knowing of my American privileges and my role as an outsider volunteering to integrate English-speaking skills and community development programming into teachers’ lessons. I must always be aware of my stereotypes, the stereotypes being sewn onto me because of who I am, and the ways in which I observe and understand my new world. I will hope that, during and after the experience, strangers, friends, and family members will challenge my observations, ask me questions, and explore with me my host community and experiences.
hugsomebody 